The more you want to control something, the less power you have on it.
The more you want to be noticed, the more invisible you become.
Some people like picking flowers from parks, some others prefer to smell them and keep walking.
I have no idea how to do any of those. I don’t know how or when to switch between controlling and releasing, how to stop being invisible or much less how to smell and keep walking past weeds that look like pretty flowers.
Wait, no. Let’s say it clearly out loud.
I am unqualified in ignoring presumably pretty flowers. Paradoxically, I have certainly skillfully mastered the art of picking them up and planting them deep within. I dedicate my time in keeping them watered and happy, so their roots grow wild and deep.
Their roots, and my expectations.
Sadly enough, by the time I realize I have to let go of those false blooms and I’m desperately trying to pull them out, my heart is already half dead. And my hopes… Well, what are hopes? Spiritless desires, inorganic sensations.
Letting go in time ain’t my thing.
“Let it be” happens only when I am too tired to even keep trying. It’s giving up. Or giving in. Or just stop minding. Or self preservation. Or none of those.
Maybe it’s just numbness.
There must obviously be something wrong with me.
I am incapable of not acting on anything I am not supposed to be taking control of.
My trust has crashed some time ago. Yet, one more “pending matter” that will prevent my soul to rest in peace when I’m gone.
The typical question; do you have any unresolved matters on Earth that may be interfering in the creation of your body of light?
What?
Any unresolved matters? Don’t you mean how many?
Please, let’s put it clear once again: your cliché new age written in neon lights, neatly scripted phrases such as “things will take their own path” “have faith” “believe”, can honestly go queue along the rest of the quotes that never worked for me.
Your inspirational mountain of enlightenment can just stay right there, blocking me and my darkness forever ; I am unable to move it.
No, faith doesn’t move it.
No.
It doesn’t.