One ray of sunlight.
I opened my eyes after having only slept 2 hours and I saw it. One ray of sunlight coming through the blinds. Straight into my sight.
I am too tired to get up and shut the blinds tighter. I can’t move.
I try to continue sleeping, but the permanent light into my eyes is bothering me. Why is this happening?
I get up. It takes me about 5 minutes to move my body out of bed.
I feel numb.
I wonder if the feeling of numbness transferred from my inside to my outside. Could that be the reason why I’m frozen? I do feel cold. And my hands shake a bit. But I guess it’s nothing compared to the chronic ice layer covering my heart. Or is it my soul?
Whatever.
I shut the blinds close.
The sunray is gone.
Have I maybe also shut down the curtains within and forced the light and warmth out? Did that, at some point, happen?
Since the day I decided I was going to be different, all kinds of hardships started to populate and overtake my life.
But, what was I supposed to do? Settle for those mundane things everybody around me were happy with? I couldn’t.
There was a fire inside, keeping me continuously dehydrated and hungry for making the flames bigger.
It wasn’t curiosity, nor rebelion. Some may say it was a tantrum. Daddy issues. Issues. This and that. Issues.
They used that word as a synonym of wretched. Damned.
I may have been. I may still be.
Condemned to put the light out of the way.