I have spent uncountable nights sitting down here or there, it doesn’t really matter where as your invasive nature is omnipresent, with you by my side. Acknowledging you. Letting you in; hoping that if I treated you with courtesy and respect, you would think about the nature of your obsession with me, and leave.
But none of those happened, nothing has ever touched a fiber of your hollow and detached presence; you keep coming back, forcing me to face you while you stay quiet and staring at me, as if I was deranged. As if all what’s within me and related to you, actually was just fabricated good old stories.
Well, tonight we stop. This perpetual dynamics is over. We are over with the recognition, with the sitting down letting the feelings arise and with all the rest of crap that surrounds this toxic relationship.
Tonight we start talking, you and I are gonna start recalling together each and every single time you showed up and threw my life away. Tonight we will start retelling the real facts, and we won’t be leaving out any of your forms, any of those despicable tactics you used to suffocate my mind to the point of almost being unable to return to me.
There won’t be any more drinks, no more hospitality perks or compassion; grab a chair and sit down.
The year was 1995. I was only a few months away from turning 15. That’s the first time your presence was embodied and entangled in my life. Do you remember? How you robbed me from knowing and experiencing all those regular, mundane and innocent stuff others my age were doing? How you infested my body and my mind with your disgusting ideas on the worst form of twisted and toxic romantic love? Do you remember? Do you?
I do.