Now this is starting to really bother me. Or better said, annoy me.
Not only you let yourself in uninvited each time, but also you vanish out of thin air while I am directly addressing you, as if I am not really speaking, as if I am invisible to you. As if I don’t exist.
Where did you learn such manners?
It took me so many sleepless nights, so much obsession, despair, alienation. Since you started to manifest in my life, I have not spent a single day at peace with myself anymore. Not a single one. Even on those when the sun seemed to shine and apparently I was enjoying a moment, or feeling a certain calmness, you would not give up. You would never leave me.
So I am a bit lost here, where do you start and, where do you end? Is there really an end to your existence?
You dissapear only to reappear without warning. You come and go; invasively. But you also are fixated on me, you pry on me permanently, ruthlessly, hungrily.
Therefore, I do exist in your eyes. You can, for a fact, hear me.
So, why did you run away when I made the request to show yourself to me? Why did you dissolve into the nothing itself when I asked you to show me your face?
I am dissapointed. You obviously can’t hold up to your reputation, and I now am trapped here, in this loop of madness you threw me into and simply don’t know how to untangle.
You tore pieces of your flesh, slowly, day by day, year by year, and glued them on me; creating this abomination that cohabits with my humanity, and now you have come to the realization that after so long, your masterpiece is falling apart by the weight you kept piling on it. And you can’t bare it. You can’t show your face towards the disaster you birthed.
You are a coward.
Tonight, you only get a glass of water.
Sit down. And no, don’t even dare. Don’t even try to explain.
Just shut up and let me sit here.